He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
