I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
