is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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