Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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