I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
