Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
