Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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