Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
