I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
