it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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