OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
