i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
