i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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