Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
