OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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