Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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