how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
