I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
