dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have fence marks all over my body
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
