Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
