We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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