it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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