Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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