You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
