# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
