he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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