a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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