Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love having hate sex.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
