He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
