based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
