Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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