Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
