glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize