somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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