i barfeds in our rink
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
