And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
