Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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