Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
