Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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