There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is my gift to your gina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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