I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
