The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
