I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
