My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
