you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
