Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
