I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
