It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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