I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
