they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
