My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
