Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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