Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
