wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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