There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
