My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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