the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
