That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
