Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
