Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
