You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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