rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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