3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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