I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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