dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize