No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
