I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
