Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
