Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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