shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
