very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
