Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I touched a dick in church today
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