so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
