my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
