chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My vagina just recognized that song.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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