is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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