But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
