Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I sprained my soul last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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